Don't Make Promises Not Worth Keeping
by Oceansportrait
Summary: Nagi is ready to throw away everything to find the meaning behind Tot's letter left behind from her death. Even if it meant turning his back on Schwarz. Even if it lead to a past he has tried to forget.


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Prologue

"You were never a good liar."

"I never needed to be."

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Chapter 1

How many he had killed to get this far, he didn't know. The empty magazines that had been discarded along the way was a sign that many bullets had been emptied into those that got in his way. Planning for weeks, months even, and Schwarz became aware of his escape before he was able to even carry through. He would have been impressed on any other occasion, but this wasn't the time to be when guns pointed in his direction fired with the intent of killing him. To go as far as to kill him than to let him escape, he shouldn't have expected any less from the assassination group that killed without questions. Before, he would never have considered turning his back on the only people he had known, but that misplaced trust disappeared when Tot's heart thumped its last beat.

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I'll kill them. An acute pain that started off small in his right shoulder that quickly spread almost made him stumble. Trying to keep balance, he ducked into a darkened alley. Hearing the footsteps, and those footsteps disappear, he focused on his surroundings. Gripping the metallic object to his chest, he took cautioned steps deeper into the alley. A falling of a can. He leveled the gun in the direction the can had fallen; his arm falling back to its place by his side when he realized it was a cat. A black cat with yellow eyes that glowed like small flashlights that were almost out of its life span. The cat looked at him with disinterest, yawning, bearing it's small white teeth before going back into the cardboard box it had come from.

His eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see about 15 metres ahead a fence that led to another street. Months of planning and to think the only route he hadn't thoroughly examined was the alleyway. He decided his only choice was to climb over the fence to the other side, and see where it led afterwards. Dragging his now numb arm, he managed to make his way to the fence. Touching the wire, he closed his eyes in concentration. A slight rising of temperature at the center of his palm, the wires began to snap, breaking off into pieces onto the ground. When the last wire fell from its place on the metal frame, he closed his open palm into a fist, the unusual warmth of his palm returning to its normal body temperature.

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"Don't make promises not worth keeping."

His breathing came in short quick gasps. The running itself was tiring to his body, but it wasn't enough to make his breathing off a beat from the usual. The reaction was produced from the flicker of the past, why the memory chose to reveal itself at this moment… He ducked under the metal frame, looking both ways before deciding to keep to the original plan and keep running towards the right direction. The streets were unrecognizable to him, rundown houses with broken glass for windows. He could faintly make out silhouettes of those who were sleeping in the alleys between the houses.

The street came to an end, an intersection with three separate roads. Squinting, he could see the gate of the cemetery, even at night, with this plan being repeatedly dreamt and thought of, he could recognize it, even from a distance. Disappearing, escaping from this country, should have been the priority, yet even now that the Schwarz knew of his plans, he couldn't leave without saying goodbye to one person. A person whose grave the Schwarz wouldn't let him visit.

Wincing as the rusted gates made a slight sound, he looked over his shoulder. None of the men that had been chasing him were in sight. He closed the gates behind him, this time, using telekinesis to swing the gates silently back to its place. As a safety measure, he bent a broken steel pole that had been part of the gates, to slip through the gates and create a secure lock. The walls surrounding the cemetery were high, no normal human being would be able to climb over or break the gates open. The only ones who would be able to would be….

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Schwarz.

Their name always seemed to be connected to the answer to every question. Who killed Tot: Schwarz. Why was he still alive: Schwarz. They decided who would live or die, and this time, the death card they drew, was for him. Being their own Gods, in the backstreets of Japan. The police would be good for nothing, they would never even find his body. He had to stay alive, under any circumstances, even if death seemed the easier option. He had to stay alive, until he figured out the meaning behind Tot's last words.

Walking past several gravestones, his eyes fell on the gravestone with a name that he didn't recognize, but a name that felt known to his lips. Tot…no, her real name. Hibino Nanami. His footsteps increased, his pace picking up as he saw it clearly, only a small distance away. Until he collided with another figure. Lifting his gaze from the grave, he met with a pair of brown eyes that seemed both surprised and familiar. The shadows of the night covered the rest of the person's face. Another person at a cemetery, at this time of night…

"Are you all right?"

The voice seemed equally familiar to him. As if he had heard it from somewhere before…time. There was little of it left, and what little he had he would have to use wisely, and trying to figure out who this man could be would be of no use to him. It was obvious to him he was not part of the group of men dressed in black that were out to murder him.

"I'm fine." 

He resumed his steps, and a few seconds later he could hear the man walking off in the opposite direction. A year. A year since she'd died, and this was the first time he visited. In a profession such as his, he knew that the chances of him having a grave engraved with his name were slim to none. But he was glad at least she got to rest in a place other than an unmarked grave. "_May her kind laughter echo into the afterlife_" Tracing the words, he almost felt as if he could see her once again.

She died because of him. If he had never met her, never had the chance to talk to her…then perhaps she would have been saved. No, she would have been saved. He knew this, every time she was with him, but she always laughed it off, saying she wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here. And she died because of it. Schwarz. Schwarz killed her.

"Saying goodbye to your lover?"

Schuldich. The sadistic tone of his voice echoed within his mind. He had found him, it was too late. There would be no revenge, there was no hope. He would be killed.

"How did you find me." His voice came out as emotionless.

Schuldich tapped his own head, smirking. No words needed to be exchanged, that answer was enough.

He could see behind his eyes Tot, smiling, alive. He didn't know whether it was an illusion Schuldich input into his mind, but he could clearly see her. The clear blue eyes that spoke to him no lies, the same smile….

"I think I loved her." Never in the time that he was with her, did he ever mention those words. It felt bittersweet to know that the only time he was able to say it, was after she had died.

"You loved her enough for her to be a threat." Lighting a cigarette, there was a small aura of light that lit the grave. "You know who killed her."

"Yes."

"Planning to run away again?"

"No. No matter how far I run, Schwarz will always find a way to find me."

Feeling the cool metallic barrel of a gun against the back of his head, Nagi closed his eyes. It was an illusion from Schuldich after all, his memories of what Tot looked like had begun to fade over the past year. He didn't even have a photograph of her, only his memories. Click. The safety lock unhooked. He didn't know Schuldich even knew the safety lock existed. That was how little he thought of taking a human life. Knowing him wouldn't be an advantage, he would still kill without feeling one emotion.

BANG!

Feeling the bullet grazing the top of his head, but missing him, he turned around. The same man he had met in the cemetery earlier was struggling with Schuldich, holding the red-head's arms back. The man yelled at him one word: "Run!"

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Chapter 2

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Running. Running. He didn't know what he was running from, but he knew that he had to keep going, keep running or he would be…

BANG

Nagi awoke, rising from his bed. Too quickly because the act caused his arm to send another wave of pain throughout his shoulders. He looked down at his arm. It was bandaged, although some blood was seeping through.

"So much for a quick exit." 

The person had his back to him, opening the window further, swinging it back so that the sun could shine through. The man faced him, and immediately he remembered where he had heard the voice, seen the eyes before. Weiss. Instinctively grabbing for his right pocket, he came up empty.

"Your gun's here." He pointed to the object beside him, next to the window. Sheepishly he said, "Sorry I thought you might do that. Call it an assassin's instinct if you want. If you promise not to shoot, you can have it back."

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I'll keep you safe. I promise.

Nagi held his head in pain, it felt as if his mind was being crushed. Was Farfarello right when he said God hurts everyone in the long run, and you would have to hurt him back to be even? Tot's death should have been enough, why torment him with memories. Why did everything he began to care for always go away. Was it because of God? Was it because of Schwarz? Or was it the punishment for him still being alive when he was supposed to have died that day seven years ago? Now, if he had known what would happen to him, it would have been better of dying. _I should have died._

"Hey, you, you all right?" 

The Weiss member was shaking his undamaged shoulder, with a worried expression on his face. Why was the enemy helping him. He should have let him be killed. "I should have died that day." Nagi pushed his arm away from his shoulder, his face lost of all color. "If I had died that day, Tot would still be alive. If I didn't live, Tot would be…." He tried to get back but he was only able to make it a few steps forward before falling to the ground. Falling to his knees, his arms supporting him from the floor, he felt the year's worth of guilt he carried within in come collapsing onto him, burying him, suffocating him.

Why was he still alive.

Next Chapter Summary (spoilers for the next chapter so if you want to keep it a surprise don't read :) ): Nagi's priorities are on escaping the country, but will he still manage to escape with the Schwarz keeping track of his every move.


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